Judge, Clown and Executioner
by t3h maniac
Summary: Vergil awakens from an unexpected sleep to find himself in strange surroundings. What happened to him and what does this mean for his brother?
1. opening

**Judge, Clown and Executioner**

**DAMN YOU VILE PLOT BUNNIES! Leave me alone!**

**Ah. I didn't particularly want to do a DMC fic. I only have 1 and 2 and my knowledge is pretty thin compared to my encyclopaedic knowledge of final Fantasy but I'll do the best with my idea that just won't leave me alone.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, ya got that?**

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My head… what the hell happened.

Vergil thought as he was awakened by a blinding light. One that made his inner demon hiss at.

"So the beast finally wakes up in time for its last meal." Said an amused voice.

_Whoever that guy is, he better not be talking to me. _Vergil thought dryly.

"Who'd have thought it, the son of the legendary Dark Knight that I've heard _oh so _much about would be easy to capture as this? Must be my lucky day." The man said, bending down so Vergil could see his face, it was very pale. Almost as if it had been painted white like a circus performer. The look was amplified by the red powder surrounding his eyes.

_Right, enough of this taunting. Time to rip out your throat and feed it to you, if that's even possible. If not, I'll just have to rip out your throat. _Vergil tried to reach for his sword but couldn't find it, failing that he tried to transform into his demon form. However what he was not expecting was for his captor to snap his fingers and a shrill noise blast sound throughout, the captor wasn't effected by it but the half-demon couldn't bear it, his powers were slowly sapping away and the sound had disabled him, he had to change back.

"Lord! Please stand back, we don't know how much energy the containment field can handle if you provoke the specimen." A slightly squeaky voice shouted, most likely a grunt

"Who made this field? Who _invented _this? ME! And if I say its going to hold, its going to bloody well hold you dolt!" He turned around to shout at the grunt/henchman randomly pressing buttons to make it look like he's working.

"Yes Lord… sorry for ever doubting you."

"Eesch. What's a guy got to do to get good minions nowadays. I remember the 60's ah… those were the days, where you could own a volcanic island and you were suddenly the king of all villainy. Not now though, now you have to have some complicated back story. Some form of a complex or completely come up from no-where at the last minute as some ultimate form of something. What happened to being evil because its fun?"

"What…who?"

"But why should I answer those questions Vergil, when your about to die in the next…" The man scanned the room to see if there was a clock present, when he couldn't find one he simply shrugged "…however long it takes for you to die here Uwe-he-he!"

"So are you just going to kill me?"

"No, just there's a high chance of your death. So high in fact that if you do survive the process it will be a miracle."

"Process?"

"It's a long and complex explanation, I think it would be better for you all if you witnessed it yourself. First hand experience and all that." He smirked as a small figure emerged from the shadows. "Now I think its high time for you to take a long nap mister Sparda... or whatever your last name is. Can't have your screams getting on my nerves now, can we?"

**-10 hours later-**

"Hello Devil May Cry detective agency. What? Sorry, no can do. We're a little busy right now." Dante said, most phone conversations he had were like that. Unless of course demons were running amok again in which case they often burst through the front door. Case in point, Trish.

"Another no-password?" Lady asked, polishing one of her guns.

"'Fraid so, what I miss." The son of the legendary dark night said, turning back to the TV.

"Why are you watching these stupid TV shows?"

"Because there hilarious. That's why." Dante responded, rocking the chair back.

"_**Now where are the diamonds?"**_

"_**I thought you guys wanted the destructo beam?"**_

"_**Now we want both. And to show you how serious we are… Bizarro stormy?"**_

"_**I'm Bizarro Stormy."**_

"_**I'm regular Stormy."**_

"Ugh, only someone immature would find this amusing."

"Is that supposed to be an insult Trish?" Dante asked, a mock expression of hurt on his face.

"What do you think?" She shot back. Their little argument was interrupted before it could develop by the phone, sighing, Dante once again picked up the receiver.

"Devil May Cry detective agency."

"B-Brother." Was the hoarse voice on the other end.

"Vergil?!" Dante shouted out, both Lady's and Trish's heads snapped towards the son of Spada.

"Brother… I need your help…"

"What the in the underworld?"

"If you do not stop them… you will be next. I need you Dante. I need you to save me."

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Oooooh cliff hanger. First DMC fic so be nice and review, but don't flame. Fire burns my sensitive skin.


	2. Death's Jester

**Death's Jester**

**Well for my first DMC fic it didn't have a bad start did it? Well now the bad guys start to come out of the wood work and we find out what the hell I did to Vergil last chapter.**

"Dante, I think we may be walking into a trap here."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well for one it was your brother who called, or a very good impersonator." Trish said in a matter-of-fact tone. Usually someone who tries to skewer/electrocute/kill you of thier own free will was not someone to be trusted.

"Any other reasons?"

"Well one of them is that we've been searching for him for approximately half an hour and we haven't seen one minion, demon or animated corpse."

"Fair point." Dante admitted. Usually when the balance of the world was at stake there is often a few tell-tale signs, undead minions being the most obvious. Motorbikes flying through the front door to your detective agency being ridden by hot chicks who shoot lightning out of their palms was another. Not a haunting phone call about one of your family and enemies needing your help. "Still don't think Vergil's trying to set me up here."

"What do you mean?"

"Well for starts he's probably got an ego a mile wide so he won't lower himself to asking me for help unless his life really was in danger and even then its pushing it."

"That's not what I meant."

"Huh?"

"Never mind."

"Wha-?"

"Lets just keep moving, can't you smell him or sense him or anything." Lady interrupted.

"No, apart from me and Trish there aren't any demons around here."

"That is worrying, the caller ID said that Vergil, if that is who we're dealing with here made the call from this location. But if there are no demons here then…"

"What in the underworld is going on?" the three of them stood there in thought for a moment, the night sky was dotted with stars and everything seemed… too peaceful.

There is an amount of science behind it, there are certain conditions that would make chaos turn to peace and visa versa, however when one side starts to build up the conditions shift to make the other a more favourable option. If things are too chaotic, a hero will be thrown in the mix to stem the tide. If things are too peaceful it means one thing only.

All hell was about to break loose.

"Ugh…" Was an unearthly groan heard from beneath a park bench, all three heads snapped towards the sound out of instinct more than anything else and had all but dismissed it until Dante Spotted a hint of blue from the persons coat. _It can't be. Can it? _he thought to himself before lifting the bench to find Vergil, sprawled out underneath.

"V-Virgil? What the hell happened to you?" Dante stuttered out of shock, if this was indeed a trap he would have pounced by now, but lying there, he seemed powerless.

"Isn't that what we'd all like to know." Said a slightly high pitched voice.

"Where the hell did you come from?" Asked Trish as the newcomer emerged from the shadows.

"nowhere… nowhere special." Said the man, he was dressed in what appeared to be a red gown with a floral inside trim. His blonde hair was tied back into a ponytail of sorts and his face was painted white with red decretory patches over the eyes and mouth.

"A clown?" Dante thought out loud, lowering his guard slightly.

"Lookie here! The second son of Sparda as well, looks like my work just got a whole lot easier. Now if you would be so nice as to just give up so we can all go peacefully… possibly even have time for a nice cup of tea, and we can avoid all unnecessary blood-shed. I mean, there are ladies present."

"Sorry, I don't know the meaning of the words 'give up'." Dante taunted.

"Well then how about you borrow my dictionary?" The man offered.

"Keep it."

"Guess you'll have to find the definition the hard way then." The insane jester said, shrugging his shoulders. He then let out a deafening war cry and charged directly at the half-demon trying to take him by surprise.

Dante however quickly drew Ebony and Ivory at let loose a hail of bullets. As each one hit, his would-be attacker slowed down, eventually grasping his chest in a vain attempt to stop the blood from flowing freely before collapsing just short of the demon hunting trio.

"You know," said an all too familiar and recent voice "if that had actually happened I'd be bloody screwed." Dante didn't even have time to make a retort when a fireball collided with his back knocking him forward, and almost into a lamp-post. The jester stood there resting by Lady's motorbike with an insane grin plastered on his face.

"That's not human." Lady said in shock. No-one could be in two places at once, especially not if one of them was dead

"What? You fools thought you actually killed me? Uwe-he-he! I should have gone for you three long ago, you are so good for a laugh." He cackled before producing two more fireballs, one in each hand.

"I thought you said there were no other demons here?" Trish shouted, turning around to face the mad man.

"There isn't!" Dante defended

"Then how the hell do you explain him?"

"What's the matter dearie? Afraid? I'm not that scary am I?" He asked, a mock expression of hurt underneath the face paint.

"What… are you?"

"They call me the laughing reaper, death's jester. Oh and wipe the looks of your faces, there is only so much dropped jaw I can stand to look at. I'm human," peering at the flames in his palms "with talents of course."

"So you're the one who did that to Vergil."

"My my, aren't we the slow ones today. My name is Kefka, although why am I telling you? You won't live long enough to make a difference anyway Uwe-he-he!"

**From one cliff hanger to the next. This fic is turning into a rack climbing/abseiling session. Damn me and my lack of closure!**

**Umm… I mean review please.**


	3. The Plot Thickens

**The Plot Thickens**

**Yes I couldn't come up with anything less clichéd for a chapter title. Anyway, the long awaited third instalment. Once again, my lack of DMC knowledge showing through. As I haven't seen much of Vergil to get a good guide on his powers, can someone help me out here?**

**Disclaimer: All copyright protected material belongs to its corresponding owners. I owned it, I would not be posting it here, rather I would be enjoying the large amounts of money made.**

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Clang! Rebellion and the clown's long sword clashed, catching Dante slightly off guard, no human should have had the reflexes to last too long against him, let alone the ability to pull fireballs out of thin air.

Jumping back he drew out Ivory and Ebony and unleashed a hail of bullets, Kefka disappeared in what could almost be described as a comedic puff of smoke before appearing in mid air, right behind Dante. Smiling his maniac smile before the grin was wiped right off his face by a lightning bolt connecting with the base of his spine.

"AAHGHFH! That really hurt you little..!" He cursed at Trish before falling to the ground. Shaking slightly from the few thousand watts going up his back.

"Thanks Trish." Dante said.

"Your welcome, just make sure he doesn't surprise you again. I can't bail you out every time." She said.

"Fair enough, guess its time to end this." Dante agreed, allowing his demon half to take over. "Give my regards to the underworld Joker, they'll know who I am. Hell, you'll probably join a club." He taunted activating the devil trigger.

"Its Kefka! Not Joker! There's a bloody difference you insufferable git!" Kefka yelled at Dante, seemingly un-phased by his transformation.

"Whatever." He shrugged before launching the jester high into the air with a single swing. He was in his element now, sure this threat put up a good fight against his human form but could he stop the onslaught of a demon?

Kefka seemed to rag doll 20 feet above the ground, Dante jumped to see if he could send him back down again. He wasn't surprised when he tried his disappearing act again, but what he was not expecting was for him to go straight on to the ground beneath him. Behind? Fine, it was reasonable enough and he had been doing that for the past however long this cliché, over-the-top fight scene had gone on for. Above him? Despite it being yet another potential double entrandre it was still reasonable if he was going for a higher ground strategy.

His question was soon answered as the crazy clown sent up two rather large fire attacks to meet him on the downward slash.

"Snap." Dante said as his wings spread, using them to dodge the attacks. Before launching a hail of bullets toward Kefka, they're force amplified my the demons force. Ice bullets in this case.

It appears that worked, despite the jester's attempts to dodge them all one of them penetrated his right arm, casing him to drop the sword. And fail to notice the bazooka pointed at him.

"Hey, wait just a minute. 3 on one is not very fair now is it? And I thought you were supposed to be the good guys, and girls with obligatory fairly exposed chests." He added, taking into account Trish's and Lady's presence. Especially seeing as one of them was holding the bazooka.

"We are. Just we can't let hot shot up there have all the fun."

"Hey! What are you trying to say exactly?"

"Nothing."

"Ahem… AHEM!" All three demon hunter's attentions snapped back to Kefka, "Now as I was saying, 3 on 1 isn't very fair. So how about I even the odds?" He said snapping his fingers.

A large, blue bolt spiralled into Dante at high Velocity sending him back down to the ground.

"Notice anything familiar about what just hit you Dante? Perhaps you need another sample." Another collision. Dante recognised that power. It was different demon, defiantly a woman but there was no doubt which demon's powers she were using. Those power levels were one of a kind.

"Vergil? But Isn't he..?"

"Aha! Now we are getting somewhere." Kefka started smiling again.

"What did you two freaks do to my brother?" Dante yelled, trying to hold off this new demon with Rebellion locked in with the strange blade.

"We made him what every half-blood wants deep down to be. Isn't it hard not belonging fully to both the demons and the humans. The two were never meant to be together. You know that."

"What did you _do_!?"

"I made him belong. I made him human. And transferred all of his powers to the lovely lady you see before you. I think its time for a formal introduction, don't you?" The demon send a wall of Ice at Dante, forcing him to collide with Ladies motorcycle.

"Demon hunters I'd like you to meet my adoptive daughter. Celes Chere."

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**Kefka wasn't the only thing from FFVI used in this fic. But its not a cross-over. Not really. Reviews make the world go round, and my hands to type the next chapter.**


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